Sing, Dance, Floss & Travel: How I Joined and Escaped Lululemon’s Cult



One fine day on a trip to Sydney, Australia, I made a purchase that changed my life forever. Lululemon’s Manifesto, which consists of 31 “rules” to live by and are printed on each bag that comes with wick sweating luon purchases…I decided then and there, by the Opera House, I would live by these rules!Image`

A lot happened from Rule #1 to #20. But it’s what happened in living by Lululemon Athletica’s Rule #21 that stopped me from going to #22 and made me quickly read the fine print to see if I could escape without giving up my firstborn.

Rule #21: “Dance, Sing, Floss & Travel”

I’m still unsure why these four sacred tasks are lumped together, but whatever, I’m in Australia. I’m singing in the shower. I have a trophy in my attic from an award I won in junior high for “Best Dancer.” I’m pretty sure they made up the category just to so I wouldn’t be left out and back then I was bound to go on tour with Britney Spears (I’m still not willing to give that dream up, she’s making another comeback, ya know).

So I’m dancing. I’m taking Natarajasana, Lord of the Dance Pose, to new cosmic, cultish heights.

And I’m flossing!

This is where my new straight-and-narrow-way-of-life takes a turn for the worst. How can flossing be a bad idea? My dentist and I are still asking that same question. He said he’s never seen someone because they had flossed too much, only the other way around.

I had literally flossed one of my fillings out of my mouth, then was forced to crawl around on my hands and knees for an hour to find it because my motherly instincts told me it was a choking hazard for my one-year-old.

No matter the spiritual path you take in life, it usually attempts to teach universal truths, and more importantly, it teaches you about yourself. I saw a t-shirt recently that said “On Step Four.” Apparently that’s an inside joke for people working a 12 Step Program because Step Four, which states:

“Made a Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory of Myself”

tends to stop people dead in their tracks…

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